1. How did this even happen to begin with?

Was it radiation poisoning? Immaculate noseception? Was Donner cheating with another red-nosed reindeer we don’t know about? WHAT IS THE TRUTH?!

2. Why is Donner such a dick?

3. Why is Santa such a dick?

Rudolph was literally out of the womb for five minutes and knows how to say “Santa.” But instead of being amazed by that, Santa decides to talk smack about his nose? #NotMySanta

4. And why does Mrs. Claus put up with his shit?

Honestly, Santa just doesn’t seem like a nice person.

5. Why are all the male elves bald?

(Besides Hermey, of course.)

6. What does Rudolph’s nose have to do with his flying skills? I mean, honestly. He had the best take off but because his nose is red he’s out???

7. And how come no one said shit about Fireball’s patch of hair? Why is no one calling him Fireball the Blonde-Haired Reindeer and excluding HIM from reindeer games?

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