–Alexandria Flint, Facebook

2. “I cuddled up extra close to my girlfriend and whispered, ‘I love you, no matter what you drop in the toilet.’”

–Zack Jacobs, Facebook

3. “I accuse my husband of neglecting our pet turtles in my sleep. I ask if he’s fed them, if he’s brought them inside, etc. We don’t even have turtles.

–Jackie Rowland, Facebook

4. “My husband rolled over and said, ‘Your mother ate my hot dog — I will send her to the seventh circle of hell.’”

–Jessica Lynn Starkey, Facebook

–andream4a7f, Buzzfeed

6. “One night, I got out of bed to pee and my sleeping boyfriend grabbed me by the underwear and yelled, ‘WHERE ARE YOU GOING?’ I said, ‘To pee!’ to which he replied, ‘For FUCK’S SAKE, Heather, it’s always something with you.’”

–heatherg29, Buzzfeed

7. “My grandma was sleeping on the couch and told me, ‘If people come here asking what oysters are, say you don’t know.’”

–cscarol, Buzzfeed

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