1. The “Everything’s In Slow Motion” hangover



Also Known As: The Steamroller

Characteristics: Nausea, sweatiness, bleary vision, and for some reason your brain takes an excruciatingly painful extra 10 or 20 seconds to process external stimuli.

2. The “My God, why I am so, so, so very, very sad?” hangover



Also Known As: The Adele

Characteristics: Bad breath, drowsiness, uncontrollable fits of hysterical sobbing.

3. The “Literally everything makes me boil with a tempestuous rage” hangover



Also Known As: The Hulk

Characteristics: Complete and total intolerance for anyone else saying ANYTHING. WHY. WON’T. THEY. JUST. SHUT THE HELL UP AND DIE?

4. The “My entire life is a sham and I am a fraud and today is the day that everyone will find out” hangover



Also Known As: The Impostor

Characteristics: Gas, bloatiness, mild headaches, stomach pain, and crippling anxiety about any form of human interaction.

5. The “I have finally embarrassed myself for the last time” hangover



Also Known As: The Horrors

Characteristics: Shame. But not just shame for those hazy, chittering memories of last night’s crimes, but an all-encompassing shame for everything you’ve ever said or done in public, beginning with that ill-fated day when you uttered your first shameful, humiliating words.

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