1. Prop up a teetering layer cake with a broom handle.

2. Use your beard to tidy up around the house.

The longer the body hair = the better to dust with.

3. Can’t afford an expensive Tempur-Pedic pillow? Use someone’s butt.

Like a Tempur-Pedic pillow, a pillowy ass will support your neck, conform to the shape of your head, and return to its original shape after use.

4. Save money on child care by having your dog supervise your offspring.

Collies, Irish setters, and golden retrievers are three breeds that are particularly great with children.

5. Ask a pair of rabbits to break in new shoes to avoid blisters.

6. Repair a malfunctioning appliance with jam.

If the jam doesn’t work, try some butter. Do NOT use mustard (that’s just silly).

7. Skip Tinder and OkCupid and let your pet find you a new boyfriend or girlfriend.

Dogs = the ultimate wingman.

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