After gallivanting in the woods, picking flowers and the like, Snow White comes across across seven dwarves.
“Come be our maid! We’ll look after you!” they cry.
“Fuck off,” she replies.


At the touch of his lips, Aurora awoke suddenly. “Hello! I said, ‘I’M SLEEPING!’”
Turns out sleeping doesn’t equate to consent, Prince Phillip.


“Erm, can you give me back my fucking shoe?” said Cinderella. The prince stepped back, astonished. No one had ever turned him down before.


Belle twirled with the Beast all night, telling him of all the hideously misogynistic things she’d heard at the market that day from Gaston.
“‘Women shouldn’t read,’ he said, ‘they’ll get ideas.’ Ha, what a prick,” Belle said.
“That he is,” the Beast agreed.
“We’ll get on to your problematic ass later,” she replied.

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