1. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
– Snow White runs away into the forest because it’s that or get killed by her stepmother, so fair enough really. She finds seven little men living in a house and becomes a maid for them. The queen finds her, kills her, but the prince pops his pretty head up, gives her the kiss of life, and they marry.
Original fucked-up version
– In the Brothers Grimm version
, Snow White marries the prince and invites every king and queen to the wedding. Somehow, in all the madness of living with seven dwarfs, Snow White forgets to book the wedding singer, so when the wicked queen arrives, a pair of burning hot shoes are brought forth and she is made to dance in them until she drops dead.
2. Sleeping Beauty
– After pricking her finger, Aurora falls into a deep sleep that can only be broken by true love’s first kiss. A lot of fuckery later, Prince Phillip basically defeats Maleficent and tada, there’s another Disney wedding for the archives.
– In Giambattista Basile’s version of Sleeping Beauty
, the king believes his daughter to be dead and so leaves her body in the house and abandons it because why wouldn’t you do that? He returns to find her alive but unconscious and so rapes her, which leads to her birthing twins whom the king’s wife want to kill. As revenge, the king’s wife tries to actually cook the twins so they can be served to the king but the king finds out and burns his wife alive. JOY.
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