1. You’ll never convince me that seagulls are majestic. They’re ugly and they steal your food.
2. Why are the skies gray? That seems like a bad omen.
3. Salty sea air and wind blowing in your face sounds miserable, tbh.
4. I’d be just like Grimsby throwing up.
5. I think they could’ve given King Triton a manbun.

6. Sebastian’s throwing shade!
7. The first thing we learn about Ariel is that she’s a flake.
8. How does the ink stay on Sebastian’s sheet music if they’re underwater?
9. Are the other six sisters actually cool with Ariel getting a solo?
10. Do fish cough? Is that a real thing? Or do they cough through their gills?
11. Ariel just risked her life for a fork.

12. “Flounder, you really are a guppy.” Ummm, it’s legit to be scared of a shark, Ariel!
13. Scuttle is giving me some real Bill Murray in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou vibes.
14. Ursula looks like she’s about to have a wardrobe malfunction.

15. How has Ursula only JUST figured out that Ariel is the key to ~Triton’s undoing~?
16. King Triton doesn’t want Ariel to surface, but it seems like they’d need to do that to breathe occasionally.
17. Let us note that Ariel is 16.
18. This movie is making us really want to science the shit out of mermaid biology.
19. Why is Sebastian, the court composer, being assigned as Ariel’s security detail?
20. You’d think this royal sea kingdom would have actual royal sea guards. Like a seahorse, or something.
21. Do crabs actually swim like that?
22. We’re gonna be marine biologists by the end of this movie.
23. “Who cares? I want more.” Ariel seems pretty greedy. What a spoiled princess.

24. We need to spend more time under the sea because Ariel’s hair is ON POINT. Like, it ALWAYS looks good.
25. Ariel’s hair could be it’s own character at this point.
26. Fireworks on a wooden ship seems like a serious fire hazard.
27. She wants the D.
28. But also, she’s 16, so anything romantic with her is kind of creepy.
29. What’s the age of consent in the sea?

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