“When I was twelve, I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage, I made the bald man cry, into the turtle stew! Which I do believe my sister ate, at least I hope she did.” – Tyrion
A Golden Crown
A handful of masturbation euphemisms and the notion that Cersei may have consumed protein tainted stew. That’ll do.
24. The Cure
“There’s no cure for being a c*nt.” – Bronn
Garden of Bones
Because it’s 100% true.
23. Useless Nipples
“The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.”- Cersei
A Feast For Crows
Because it brings forth a slew of questions: who is the guy in charge of putting the nipples on the battle attire? Is that his only job? Is he also in charge of cod pieces?
22. Wet Sh*ts
“I’ve seen wet sh*ts I liked better than Walder Frey.”- Brynden Tully
The Bear And The Maiden Fair
Because Walder Frey is a horrible, old bag of nasty. And adding a descriptive adjective for the sh*t further illustrates that fact.
21. Sounds Tasty
“Born amidst salt and smoke… is he a ham?”- Renly Baratheon
Garden Of Bones
With all of the delightful facets of Stannis’ dazzling personality, he might as well be a ham.