25. Spicing Up The Stew

“When I was twelve, I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage, I made the bald man cry, into the turtle stew! Which I do believe my sister ate, at least I hope she did.” – Tyrion


A Golden Crown

A handful of masturbation euphemisms and the notion that Cersei may have consumed protein tainted stew. That’ll do.

24. The Cure

“There’s no cure for being a c*nt.” – Bronn


Garden of Bones

Because it’s 100% true.

23. Useless Nipples

“The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.”- Cersei


A Feast For Crows

Because it brings forth a slew of questions: who is the guy in charge of putting the nipples on the battle attire? Is that his only job? Is he also in charge of cod pieces?

22. Wet Sh*ts

“I’ve seen wet sh*ts I liked better than Walder Frey.”- Brynden Tully


The Bear And The Maiden Fair

Because Walder Frey is a horrible, old bag of nasty. And adding a descriptive adjective for the sh*t further illustrates that fact.

21. Sounds Tasty

“Born amidst salt and smoke… is he a ham?”- Renly Baratheon


Garden Of Bones

With all of the delightful facets of Stannis’ dazzling personality, he might as well be a ham.

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